the antedote to fear... the permission to create
I SURVIVE ALONE
I was probably five years old. Night time I was taken to a house and placed in a double bed, in a room with floral wallpaper. The sheets smelt clean.
Those sheets were light green I recall. The bed covering had purple flowers. Sidelight turned off, everyone left. My parents went off to on late night ice. They were Ice dance coaches.
And this night I looked at the ceiling and made a fateful decision that dramatically impacted my life.
"I SURVIVE ALONE." I decided...
So I have done so, for most of my life, ever since. A script created. A script to be broken.
Every day across the kitchen table of my formative years my mother recounted stories of the judging of ice dancing. This was her world. It was also my father's job.
Daily I heard of deals being done, of sculdugery, sharp practises, marks being given for favourites and tales of double dealing.
When I competed Internationally, at practise, I saw the British Judge sat alone on one side of the ice rink and other countries sat together doing their deals.
I shouted inside in dismay. British Judge - go do deals for me. And yet part of me craved fairness, a level playng field and I admired them. False smiles - I still can't do.
So I thought 'everyone' was on the take; apart from that British Judge!
I am a writer, a thinker. A putter offerer. I am a last minuter, I need a deadline to provoke the finish of a project. I have hundreds of nearly completed files for chapters of books, songs, great ideas in my computer... And I work long and hard daily. It's time to give them life.
I have been 'A Master of Self Sabotage,' causing the millions to never flow. But... I am persistent, I've been on this journey many years. The vision lives on. As my competence slowly increases so the vision becomes clearer. Climbing this mountain, changes the view.
And I have never made money, so that's scary too. Really? And the 'I'm not worthy' and 'You'll be told off' scripts kick in. Yeah I need therapy - and I've had lots so far! So now it is time to break through.
My vision involves bucket loads of 'fun' media production. I've tried to do it all myself. Now I see I need an army to make it happen, a tribe. A tribe of dreamers that make things reality. A DREAMTRYB.
I will be flabergasted, honoured, humbled, surprised and delighted if/when you join me to support this vision. How brilliant to break scripts, build trust and see breakthroughs... Together. Rock n Roll.
I can sense power in the honesty of this offering. I get that, when I open up, it gives permission for others to do likewise. I've got no time for corporate wording now. This is reality. And one day I have enough coming in to support my family from this work I will take two weeks off to celebrate on a beach with my family! I have never done that.
NICHOLAS MARK SLATER (aka Nicky Slater - aka NICSTIR - aka...)
Kelowna, Canada - July 2018
I MET THIS MAN
I met this man the other day. He was interesting, spoke a good game and laughed at himself. But his dream seemed so scary and he was driven. My he was driven.
Seems for ten years he sat in a darkened studio in Ipswich, England, spent a Bentley on kit, then tried to learn to use it. He was trying to progress his vision of becoming an entertainer. A vision he's had all his life.
Then he found himself in another Continent, all safety nets gone, money flying out the door, limited time, pressure... And 'still,' even more focused, he carried on. Going for his dream, risking. His writing now influenced by this adventure. Immigrant, four by fours, lakes, kill to eat salesmen and different air.
This stepping out meant leaving security, home, to grieve, be uncomfortable, out of control 'almost desperate' as the rubber hits the road, the chips are falling to the table and he looks to the last roll of those dice. So he has to step. Or to hide the dream away, keep it safe, admit defeat.
And as waves hitting the cliff face create the greatest energy. The dead - line approaching cause him to step, risk, imperfect and...
I met this man the other day. That man, he was me.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are probably right
People do judge a book by it's cover
Mark Markula. Marketing Director of a start up called Apple Computer.
This is Show Business. I love every facet of it and have been blessed with being a performer and producer on big International stages.
And this is different...
Join me - let's blow the doors off and create some fabulous, fun and crazy entertainment that changes peoples lives for good...
And yes - there are identity issues here to used as comedic premise!
This picture is of a Norweigan Fjord. I have a video of this I plan to put music to it. I was on a cruise liner watching this vista unfold filming. Being berated by lovely British humour around me for my efforts...
And as I design this website, laying the pipes for distribution of work I have hidden away I am battling through the complexities of how to make an offering of all that I've made and am makingl?
How to link the various facets together? What lead brand to promote? What is The Why? Where's the integrity of the brand? Brands? So many brands. I love brand design.
And I'm doing what I do.
Then I get exhausted and nothing gets finished.
And you may have noticed identity issues here - who am I in this? It is still work in progress - a book to be written.
So I should be mega confident and rah rah rah excited. - If you don't believe it how can they - as I launch. Yet I've reached a place of...
I am a writer, a communicator, a songwriter, a musician, thinker, amateur psychologist / philospher and most importantly a husband, father and a friend.
I'm an encourager, a stand for right, a rebel and a bit of a hedonist - I have a Yes M'Lord domain. I like smelly candles and see breeze when in the bath! This is who I am.
Last week I wrote a lyric entitled Doing it Wrong on Purpose. It will be a song for the perfectionist who - one day - when it's still not quite right, has to step.
It will be a song for me.